Short Lived Identity Crisis

So I was having an identity crisis and I didn’t even know it. Couldn’t sleep properly for a couple nights. Couldn’t get the committee in my head (I like to refer my head as a committee cause it feels like there are 12 little minions in there analyzing, debating, strategizing and arguing all day)…anyways, I couldn’t get my committee to shut up. One side tells me that I’m over analyzing things and should chillax, the others side tells me to start planning and have 500 different contingencies. Its quite annoying when your head is going at mach 3, or should I say mach 4? Cause mach 3 is obsolete like Avro Arrow age (I’ve seen that plane before btw). I guess I’m in a position where I don’t know where I’m going and I’m trying to escape from some stuff in life that is hard to deal with. But lets face it, stressing out is actually ineffective. It bleaches your youthful hair (3 strands of my hair turned white, but my aesthetic conscious friend pulled it out). Stressing out is time consuming because the very action of thinking about something takes time. And since time is valuable, it should be spent wisely, like reading a book by CS. Lewis, or write a rap, or write a letter to the Members of Parliament because our government [Canadian government] is crappy to the point that it’s quite despairing to follow Canadian politics. By stressing we fantasize all possibilities when nothing is really happening and we’re really just psyching ourselves out.

I must apologize cause I’ve been off topic. So in the midst of transition in life, when things are not stable, when the future is uncertain, when we are so used to being identified by others based on what is static about us, when everything that used to be solid shook and fell to the ground. Who do we become? How do we see ourselves? What are we defined by? Are we defined by our careers? By our role in a family? By perception of others? By God? Who are we and what is our identity? What is your identity? What if that very thing that defines you fall apart? Is that something one should grasp onto? For example, if my career defines who I am…then heck I’m quite useless right now because I don’t have real job. Should my self-esteem go down the toilet? Well if I am defined by my job, of course. But should it stay like that forever? I think we need to step back and take a look.

I think we should all value ourselves. And not value ourselves based on worldly standards (wealth, beauty, number of degrees, popularity). Cause when everyone gives up on you, abandons or fails you, the only person who will be there is you (and God if you are a believer). Gotta be strong and not weak sauce. Don’t be too harsh on yourself, and be your own support.

As for me I need to swallow some pride and a change my attitude. More importantly, continue to work hard and wait patiently. =)

Super thanks to a Hot Chili Pepper for pointing out the obvious and pulling me out of the rut, again. You know who you are ;P

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